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Some people absolutely hate that feeling, finding it stressful and unsettling. But some people are addicted to that emotional rollercoaster of lust and uncertainty. They love the chemical cocktail or adrenaline, dopamine, and oxytocin coursing through their veins.
If this sounds familiar, you need to accept the fact that this initial thrill will never last, regardless of who you meet.
As you get to know someone, things will always evolve, change, and calm down. Only toxic long-term relationships will involve that kind of extreme emotional ups and downs after the honeymoon period is over. The important thing is to not see the change as a negative. Sure, you might not want to rip their clothes off every five seconds anymore. You might stop getting butterflies in your stomach every time they send you a text message or call you.
But the part that comes after all those extreme ups and downs and all that uncertainty is even better. The part where you can really be yourself and learn what long-term love is all about.
You like a bit of intrigue and want to have things to get worked up about and complain about. In all areas of your life, but especially in your romantic life. So, when things are going well with someone, you consciously or subconsciously look for ways to sabotage things, as you prefer the adrenaline that comes with drama to the warmth of a comfortable, happy, easy relationship.
For the most part, relationships are great at the beginning. But maintaining a good relationship long-term takes work. If you're looking for that perfect partner to sweep you off your feet and make all your romantic dreams come true, you're just setting yourself up for disappointment. When you're seeking that perfect relationship, you're likely to develop a pattern of jumping into a relationship and losing interest once it's not exactly how you wanted.
If you find that you get bored in relationships easily, you may want to look at the types of people you're choosing to date.
One way to figure this out is to write down what you liked about your previous relationships and what you didn't like. Take time to really dive into each of your past partners and your feelings about them. If you notice that they have similar traits, you may want to consider dating outside of your usual type. Another reason you may be checking out? People change all the time, and it doesn't have to be anything drastic either. For instance, they can have new interests or opinions about what's happening in the world.
If you really aren't ready to make a commitment to someone, you may start to check out once things start getting serious. When you're serious about wanting to be in a relationship, you won't get scared about the work that you'll have to put in. You'll likely put in the effort to get creative to find ways to keep yourself from feeling bored.
A boring relationship can lead to boring sex, and vice versa. But if you both strive to make improvements in this particular area, you'll likely feel better overall. So before you start blaming your boredom on a lack of love or chemistry, try spending time apart.
By cultivating your own hobbies, interests, and friendships, you'll feel refreshed — and have fun stories to tell each other, once you reunite. There's also something to be said for injecting a little mystery into your relationship, clinical psychologist Dr.
Sabrina Romanoff , tells Bustle. She recommends couples not "be too available" to each other, on occasion, as a way of reigniting a sense of appreciation. This might mean spending an evening apart while you go out with your own friends, and not texting for a few hours.
Or going away for a solo weekend trip and saving up all the fun details to share over dinner, once you get back home again. If you've been together for a few years, chances are your partner is way different now than they were when you first met. But have you updated your opinion of them? Have you acknowledged all the ways they've grown and changed? If not, you'll both benefit from a check-in. So sit down and have a chat. Ask your partner what they currently like and dislike, LeClair says, even if you think you know the answers.
Learn new information about each other's lives, and make a point of catching up more often. The preceding 19 suggestions have all been about changing things up, shaking yourself out of a daily grind, and the like. But it's also necessary to realize that boredom is totally normal in the average relationship, Anita Chlipala , a relationship coach and therapist, tells Bustle. So if you hit a snooze-y patch, don't assume you're heading for a breakup.
Just acknowledge that you're not the only ones in the world who have experienced a dip in excitement, and don't feel bad about having to make an effort to switch things up, either. Once you are OK with the fact that boredom will float in and out from time to time, you can address your yawns and find a fun way to do something new.
Cyndi Darnel l, sex and relationship therapist. Michele Paiva , licensed psychotherapist. Tessina , psychotherapist and author. Danielle Sepulveres , sex educator and author. Carlyle Jansen , a sex coach and author. Nikki Martinez , psychologist.
Joseph P. Coleman, PhD, LP , licensed psychologist. Anita Chlipala , relationship coach and therapist. Sabrina Romanoff , clinical psychologist. Cassandra LeClair, PhD , communications professor and relationship expert. Lauren Cook , therapist and author.
Kali Rogers , relationship expert and life coach. Jessica Brighton , relationship expert. Samantha Daniels , professional matchmaker. April Masini , relationship expert and author.
Melinda Carver , relationship coach.
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